Koori no Renkinjutsushi ~ 氷の錬金術師 ~

Checking in ...

2008-06-21T14:47:10Z

Thanks to those who offered condolences on Lilly's passing. I'm sorry I couldn't respond in turn, but it helps to know that people were thinking about me. Thanks.

Incredibly busy at work, with JHACO survey coming and two mock surveys just recently. So needless to say all the management is in a panic, myself included.

Still trying to find a permanent place to live. I'm in a short term rental, hence no computer, hence my incommunicado status as of late.

I have a home inspection for the house I'm trying to buy on Monday. We'll see what they come up with for problems and whether I can afford to fix them. It's a nice house in a decent neighborhood, but it is an older home, so who knows.

Computer time is up. So long 'till next time.

Lily

2008-05-16T19:33:20Z

I put my Lily to sleep last night.
I had her since I was 11 years old.
I know I'm an atheist, but can I at least believe in doggy heaven. Please? Just so I don't have to know she's really gone?
Going up to Berlin for the weekend. I need to get out of here.

blinkblink

2008-04-24T22:21:10Z

So that's what the sun looks like. I'd forgotten.
Ah warm weather how I've missed thee.
Summer! Beaches! Swimming!

*Laurel thinks about swimsuit shopping*
...
...
...
*shudder*
There's that chill again.

Location, location, location

2008-04-23T21:34:27Z

*yawn*

*stretch*

*headdesk*

Still looking for a place to live. Found a nice condo in the Rockport area. The mother thinks the condo is a bad idea. She wants me to live in Lynn. She scary thing is she's actually been to Lynn and still wants her only daughter to live there. Wierd, huh? I think the mother is a bad idea sometimes.

I know there are nice parts of lynn, but it's just a little too urban for me (read: ghetto). The mother has a point, though; my money goes a hell of a lot further in Lynn. But Lynn is just so ... well ... Lynn-ish. I want to be on Cape Ann, even if it means I get stuck in a dinky condo.

Job is still work, dogs are still dog-ish, still haven't beat Tales of the Abyss, and any BL fan who hasn't read Wild Adapter should go out and buy a copy RIGHT F****ING NOW because Kazuya Minekura is my queen of deliciously subtle gayness.

Sniffle koffkoff

2008-03-09T14:56:50Z

Been out of work since Tuesday of last week with bronchitis and a sinus infection. My head still feels like its been stuffed with cotton balls that someone dipped in tabasco sauce and then set of fire. On the bright side, I get to go back to work tomorrow [read: sarcasm].

Well, I am a manager now. I don't think I posted since I got this job. It's pretty evil, and I can find very few redeeming qualities to the position, other than not having to work weekends.

Still looking for a place to live, mostly looking at cheap condos and such, but if I don't find anything I really like, I'll just rent again.

Going to see the Chieftains at symphony hall this week, am loking forward to that. And Jimmy Buffett tickets go on sale Monday. This time I'm springing for the expensive seats.

Work isn't supposed to be fun, that's why they pay you

2008-01-20T15:30:57Z

Posting from work. I hate the weekends here, but at least there is usually more down time. And after the way this place has been lately down time is worth it's weight in gold.
I've applied for a manager's position at my current facility which I don't think I have a snowball's chance in hell of getting. The only reason I want it is that it might get me to an easier wing, and it would give me weekends off, so I could start taking classes again.

The problem with managing, as opposed to just being a line nurse, is that it's not enough for you to take care of your patients well, but you have to manage people who have no desire to take care of their patient's well ... or sometimes at all. I've never been good at dealing with laziness and insubordination in those below me. How can you make another person do something when you don't really have the power to threaten them with serious discipline (i.e. suspension and termination).

I realize now how spoiled I was by the LNA's back in Berlin. Most of them were hard working and followed instructions, but yet cared enough about their patients to respectfully disagree with bad instructions.

This job, which for a while was improving, is wearing me down. I get up at 5am to get to work at 630am, I'm supposed to get out at 3pm, but secondary to the fact that nobody here understands the concept of getting to work on time, all last week I got out consistently at 5 in the evening. And I have to get home, take care of dogs, food, shopping and household stuff to get to bed between 8 and 9.

Speaking of dogs, I'm now giving my old geezer Lilly subcutaneous infusions of lactated ringers twice a day, along with liquid antibiotics twice a day. Took her to the vet expecting to hear that she needed to be put down, and he tells us that she is dehydrated and has a bladder infection. The first SQ infusion was easy. But now she's starting to get her pep back as has realized "Damn! They're poking me with a giant needle! I better squirm and bark my head off." But I think she's feeling better, and she's certainly eating better, which is great.

I took my uncle in for a cardioversion at BIDMC on my last day off, which they ended up not doing. Afterwards I took a trip into Harvard Square and spent some of that overtime money I've been earning. Got the Evangelion art book and the Final Fantasy 5 and 6 sountracks. I shop at Tokyo Kid so much they're starting to give me a discount. And tomorrow I'm going bra shopping to buy bras for the new, thinner me.

Happy, Merry

2007-12-25T06:27:14Z

Even though I have been kind of absent from eljay lately, I would like to wish all my f-list very happy holidays, whatever your holiday of choice may be. You're all wonderful.

Luv and hugs,
Nagi

Work, family & f***ing snow

2007-12-21T13:32:23Z

It's been a super-busy couple of weeks.

My job has been alternating from tolerable to horrible. I can see why they have such a high turnover rate in the unit I work in. Besides the crappy working conditions and staff conflicts, time-off is nearly impossible to get. This is apparently why they pay so well: it's the only way they can get anyone to work there. I've been sick for the last week, but can't afford to go the to doctor because my health insurance hasn't kicked in yet. Neither has my sick time.

My uncle is back in the hospital after having a pacemaker put in a couple weeks ago. His blood pressure and pulse keep skyrocketing and they can't figure out why. He's (naturally) worried and stressed about that. The problem is my uncle doesn't handle worry and stress well. He expresses it through frequent angry outbursts at whoever's nearby. And I'm nearby.

My older dog's decline into senility and decrepitude continues. She's blind, her eating is poor and her quality of life is nil. I love her, but it is past time to put her down. My mother doesn't want to address it until after the holidays are over for fear of "bad associations." She's been as much my mother's dog as mine, so I want to respect her wishes, but it's getting harder to bear.

Christmas is a high-stress time for me anyway. Getting gifts for people I care about is not the problem - it's all those obligatory gifts and cards, usually for co-workers and acquaintances. And then there are the gifts you have to get for people who, unexpectedly and inexplicably, got you something so now you have to reciprocate in kind.

Not to mention we keep getting slammed with nor'easters. If the frozen snowbank in front of my house gets any higher I'm gonna have to buy mountaineering equipment.

Book Meme

2007-11-29T23:02:12Z

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4-7 sentences on your LJ along with these instructions.
5.Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest (unless it's too troublesome to reach and is really heavy. Then go back to step 1).
6. Tag five people.

From Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez:

She left it on the night table, for the truth was she did not know what to do with it, and there it stayed, unopened, for several days, until one rainy afternoon when Fermina Daza dreamed that Juvenal Urbino had returned to the house to give her the tongue depressor he had used to examine her throat. In her dream the tongue depressor was not made of aluminum but of a delicious metal that she had tasted with pleasure in other dreams, so that she broke it in two unequal pieces and gave him the smaller one.

When she awoke, she opened the letter. It was brief and proper, and all that Juvenal Urbino asked was permission to request her father's permission to visit her. She was impressed by its simplicity and seriousness, and the rage she had cultivated with so much love for so many days faded away on the spot. She kept the letter in the bottom of her trunk , but she remembered that she had also kept Florentino Ariza's perfumed letters there, and she took it out of the chest to find another place for it, shaken by a rush of shame.

*tag*
You're it.

I'm thankful that ...

2007-11-22T22:39:25Z

... this day is over.
Volunteering to work Thanksgiving = temporary insanity on my part.
I swear all the patients were hopped up on speed or something. And they didn't share with me. How selfish.

Wow. That's useful.

2007-11-16T23:32:54Z

I never knew Wikipedia was so handy. You can even look up all the exit numbers for I-93. Very useful when making directions for someone.
My uncle gets out of the hospital tomorrow. Everything went fine. I have the dubious pleasure of picking him up. Yay me.

Gonna be a busy weekend

2007-11-15T21:53:50Z

Work is gradually getting better. My biggest goal now is to try and get out on time consistently and to not kill the 3-11 nurse I report off to. I don't know why, but she really doesn't like me. I'm told by some of the other staff that that's just her personality. Some people don't like anyone. I think she just has a very low tolerance for my rookie mistakes. But she can bite me. We all have to learn somewhere.

My uncle is going into the hospital tomorrow for a cardioversion and a pacemaker insertion. Being a man, of course he can't just admit that he's scared out of his wits about it (which he is). Instead he just goes into a fit of manly anger at the drop of a hat, venting to anyone nearby. In this respect, I think women have an easier lot. It's at least socially acceptable for us to cry and freak out and be scared. And who wouldn't be scared that their heart is basically going to be electrocuted for therapeutic reasons and then have wires poked into it. That being said, they're both fairly routine procedures.

I have company this weekend too, which is going to be tricky balancing my family obligations with my social ones, but I'll make it work. I'm just psyched to be having company, even considering the timing. It's still pretty lonely down here. Planning on going into the North End and introducing Darci to a Mike's Pastry cannoli in its natural habitat. We'll be close to the BI too, if they decide to release my uncle. If the two of us have to take a detour to pick him up at the hospital, oh well. Darci says she doesn't mind, and my uncle will have two nurses to escort him home.

Very good day

2007-11-11T00:33:02Z

Went into Boston this afternoon, since I got gypped out of my Sunday. Went to NEAQ, gawked at the sea turtles and penguins. Bought a couple of books in the gift shop. One of them I started reading on the train ride home, The Life of Pi. It's really fantastic so far. Been totally sucked in. I'm typing fast so I can read some more before I have to go to bed. The other one is nonfiction on the decline of the New England fishing industry. I also went to see Deep Sea 3D at the IMAX for the second time. That's an awesome film. 3D has come a long way since I was a kid. You just haven't lived until you've had a giant jellyfish hurtling towards your face.

Barely had enough time to race down to Harvard Square to pick up the latest Love Mode before catching the train back. I'm a little disappointed that they didn't have the latest Kizuna. Probably'll have to order it. I wish someone could tell me when Paprika is coming out on DVD.

There was some fine eye candy on the subway back to North Station too. The guys in Boston are so much nicer to look at than the guys back in Berlin were. Plus, being sandwiched between a couple of them on an overcrowded subway car: fantastic!

Happy accidents

2007-11-10T13:42:18Z

Turns out work screwed up my schedule and told me I was working the weekend opposite of what I'm actually working. So I have to work tomorrow instead of going out and having fun like I planned. Totally not complaining, though. This is the weekend schedule I originally wanted, so I'm psyched. Now I'm back on the same weekend as my friends.
Score one for my social life.

Maybe that's what I needed ...

2007-11-07T21:54:07Z

Maybe all I needed at work was for everyone to get out of my face and let me do it my way. I did my first day on my own (which I guess means I'm officially off orientation), and I can't say that it went too badly. Rather the opposite. I only got out about 45 minutes late, which isn't too bad considering all I had to do at the last minute. And everything got done.

I'm off this weekend. Think I'll probably take the train into Boston, go to NEAQ, maybe see what's at the IMAX. Maybe I'll go to Wagamama or Pho Pasteur in Cambridge. See if there are any new yaoi manga at Tokyo Kid. Do the kind of stuff I moved down here to do. Other than that, I'll just fart around the house, do laundry, and lurk around eljay.

It lives!!!

2007-11-05T00:24:56Z

My computer lives! ~~With a super-slow wireless connection, but it lives just the same.~~ (Edit: Stupid me didn't have the stupid antennas up on the stupid wireless router. Now it's stupid fast! Yay!)
I'm very pleased by this, although bringing it back to life involves a lot of cussing and glaring on my part. I never would have thought it would suck so bad to go without internet for a week and a half, but now that I'm in a new place, with no friends yet, it's about the only socialization I have outside of work.
I'm thinking of finding the local Democrats club and joining them. Would be a good way to meet people. Would also help me get informed for the election. I still am not 100% on who to vote for, although I have my leanings. The truth is I'm not happy with any of the candidates really.
So once again, it's a game of pick who sucks the least.

Berlin, how I did not miss thee

2007-11-03T01:27:03Z

Back in Berlin for the weekend, collecting some more of my stuff, including The Computer. Life just hasn't been the same without it. I've gone into fanfic withdrawal.

Berlin is just as depressing as it always was, and my mother is just as overbearing. The difference is that this time I'm just visiting.

And I get to see my friend Darci, which is very cool.

Well that sucked ass ...

2007-10-30T21:11:59Z

Wow. That was one crappy day.
I have come to the conclusion that my new job could take a few pointers from my old job as far as organization, policy and paperwork. I hope this day was just an anomaly and not an indication of how the rest of my tenure here is going to be.
It was my first day doing a med pass, and it did not go awfully well. I got behind, I felt clueless, and I almost made a med error. And I find that all the lovely mountains of paperwork the management has been telling me I must do whenever a sparrow farts goes out the window when the person training me doesn't feel like going through with it.
And at the end of a long 8 hours I walked out witout giving the oncoming nurse report. I just forgot. The oncoming nurse was the one who had been TRAINING me all day long on the same side, so I can't understand why she would need report, but I suppose she had been expecting it. I'm probably going to hear about it tomorrow.

Why didn't I do this sooner?

2007-10-27T13:54:42Z

God, it's so nice to be out of Berlin.
I'm definitely going back to visit, I have friends and my mother there. But the fact that I don't have to go back there to live just makes me so happy. It's so dank and depressing and the neighbors were all assholes. There was nothing to do. Opposite of here.
Started the job. It looks like it will be okay. I can't really get a clear idea of how things will go this early into orientation. When I actually start rolling my sleeves up and working, then I'll be able to tell for sure.
I had my first confrontation with my uncle. Then my second. Then my third. By the fourth one I blew my stack. Then he apologized and has been pretty much a peach ever since. I guess I should have done that sooner. We watched the UNH/CC game last night. Fantastic game. Made even more fantastic by the fact that UNH won.
Still don't have my computer. I'm using the library's computer at the moment. Won't have mine till next weekend. I'm going into 9Rose withdrawal. *sob*
Love to all

Incommunicado

2007-10-24T04:57:26Z

I'll be offline for about a week while I get myself set up in my new town and start my new job, as I will be computer-less. As well as playstationless and dvdplayerless. I'll probably be too busy to be bored, though. In my spare time, I'm going to work on more 9Rose fics to try and placate the plotbunnies that are nibbling on my frontal lobe.
See you all later!

[FIC] This is Your Life (Nine/Rose)

2007-10-24T03:58:10Z

Title: This is Your Life
Pairing: Nine/Rose
Rating: PG-13
Note: The result of looping a Switchfoot playlist while making Nine/Rose icons. I’m a loser, I know.
Summary: The Doctor reflects on what he stands to lose.

“This is your life and today is all you've got now
Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have”
-Switchfoot

Someday she would leave him. It was a foregone conclusion. Companions came and went. Into the TARDIS, into his life, sometimes into his affection. Never into his bed, until her.

She gave herself to him without reservation, with the recklessness he’d come to expect from youth, and the selflessness he’d come to expect from her. She’d pursued him with bullheaded determination, listening to every one of his frankly brilliant arguments on why her romantic pursuit of a 900 year old alien was an appalling idea. She’d listened calmly, receptively, nodding in all the right places. Then she’d told him to sod his frankly brilliant arguments and kissed him anyway. It was an artless kiss. All lips and enthusiasm. But the sheer amount of emotion poured into it acted on him like a drug. She was waving a chip in front of a starving man. So he did what any starving man would do. He devoured her.

She’d broken him. Totally and deliciously. And by the time he was buried inside her, he decided that his arguments hadn’t been that frankly brilliant after all.

Except for one. The only one he hadn’t used on her, and the only one that mattered. The one that came to him in unguarded moments, quiet moments, moments like these when he watched her sleep. Listened to the sound of her breathing beside him. Knowing each breath was the tick of a clock. The marker on a short and finite highway that led away from him.

How much longer will you be here? Days? Weeks? Years? Decades? When will you leave me? Tomorrow? A year after tomorrow? Seventy years from tomorrow? When your voice and your touch and the weight of your body beside me have become so natural that I won’t know what to do without it?

He would lose her eventually. Perhaps to herself, when she decided that a life of vagabonding across time and space had worn thin. Perhaps to another man. One who could offer her all the things he couldn’t. Or perhaps simply to time, which robbed him of so much by its nature.

Oh, it would be painful, of course. Bloody painful. But he would survive, because that was what he did. Survive, outlive, outrun. All of them. Even her.

And when she stirred and stretched against him, making the soft snuffling noises that heralded her return to the land of the waking, some part of him held its breath. Eyelids fluttered and opened. Eyes searching, finding, focusing. A slow, lazy smile. A morning greeting that felt like a benediction.

Good morning. Don’t leave me. Please.

Tomorrow became today, and she was still here. And he loved her for it.

Moving on

2007-10-23T00:56:22Z

Well, I finished at my old job, which was kind of hard (translation: I cried like a baby).
Sylvia came in on her day off and brought me a balloon and a cake and a blue monkey (don't ask). Everyone told me how much they were going to miss me, and what a good nurse they thought I was. I don't like to think of myself as egotistical, but it is really nice to hear that from the aides, especially. I know that nurses have to earn their respect.
I just have to hope I can carve myself out the same kind of place in my new job. I'm a little nervous, but I'm starting to get excited.

My uncle is pretty jazzed, too. He hasn't had any family living near him since we moved away when I was in 7th grade. Now I'll be living about 45 minutes away. My mother says I'll probably have him camped on my doorstep.

I'm pleased the Red Sox are going to the World Series. Hockey is really my sport of choice, but I'll generally root for Boston no matter what. Except for B.U. Period.

I just talked to my aforementioned friend from the previous post. We're coordinating the exchange of property through a third party, since she couldn't spare me 15 minutes. After I hung up the phone, I was just furious. I wanted to fucking punch someone, or call her back and bitch her out. Then I sat down, ate my supper, drank a sunkist, listened to some music, and practiced what my therapist used to teach me. Radical acceptance. This is what is, accept the situation and your feelings and move on. For once, it seems to have worked. You can't make people like you, and you can't change them, or their behavior.

Things change, I change and move on. And right now, I feel okay.

The World in Your Arms - A 9Rose Fanmix

2007-10-12T23:15:15Z

The World in Your Arms - A Ninth Doctor/Rose Fan Soundtrack

Front jacket:

Back jacket:

|DOWNLOAD| full album in .rar file

1. Ask D.N.A. – Kanno Yoko |DOWNLOAD|

Gummed up, brain dead and can't decide
you can't pray enough, you can't hide
You can be cool or you can cry
Do it wrong
Not it all
Or do it right

No one owes you, no one's to blame
Save for bad genes or DNA
Ask your conscience the why and how
Do it then
Do it when
But, do it now

What's up sweet cakes?
Who's hip anyway?
Earthgirls are easy
What you gonna do lil' buckaroo?
(Hey you, you better ask her nice!)
All you gotta do, happy fool, is ask your mom

Why? - I don't know why this quirky, random song makes me think of the Doctor. Maybe because it's quirky and random? Plus, the line "Earth girls are easy" slays me.

2. Tomorrow Never Comes – Dot Allison |DOWNLOAD|

You’re sailing away to another shore
I heard it today
I can’t tell you anymore
And I thought I saw your shadow in the street today
But that was yesterday
Oh, that was yesterday
With a little courage and time
You might forgive me

Why? - A very sad song. And no matter how much I enjoy warm fluffy thoughts about 9Rose, I still come back to the knowledge that their relationship is transitory, and parting is inevitable.

3. No Reply – Kanno Yoko |DOWNLOAD|

Like the perfect ending
It won’t be long
Till everything I’ve ruined has seen me gone
In time I’ll pray you’ll forgive
Now you know the man I am
Can you forgive me?
I fall like the sands of time
Like some broken rhyme
At feet no longer there

Why? - This is my Ninth Doctor angst anthem. It hits one all the themes of guilt and love and death and the passage of time.

4. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) – Green Day |DOWNLOAD|

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Why? - I think the above is self explanatory.

5. Lullaby – Lamb |DOWNLOAD|

Always and forever
You will see
Always and forever
Just be with me
We’ll have love aplenty
We’ll have joys outnumbered
We’ll share perfect moments
You and me

Why? - A damn good love song. Reminds me of all those great 9rose moments through the beginning of the first season.

6. Never is a Promise – Fiona Apple |DOWNLOAD|

You’ll never live the life that I live
I’ll never live the life that wakes me in the night
You’ll never hear the message I give
You’ll say it looks as though I might give up this fight

Why? - I would have to consider this my Rose theme. I had no doubt from the first couple episodes of the series that she was head-over-heels for the Doctor. But he's emotionally aloof and unnaproachable, at least at first.

7. In My Life – The Beatles |DOWNLOAD|

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Why? - I thought this song was an obvious choice. As a total sap for 9Rose, I like to think that she holds a special place apart from the Doctor's parade of prior companions.

8. Fix You – Coldplay |DOWNLOAD|

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you loose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Why? - This is a modern theme song for loss, angst and redemption. Probably included in more fanmixes in more fandoms that can be counted. With good reason.

9. Survive – David Bowie |DOWNLOAD|

You alone across a floor
You and me and nothing more
You're the great mistake I never made

Why? - The themes of loss and missed opportunity made me think this was a good choice. But I'm beginning to think this fanmix is getting a little too depressing. So lets take a break from all the angst in favor of ...

10. B-Line – Lamb |DOWNLOAD|

If I could just compose myself
I could radiate just the right amount of cool and peace
So then you’d never know
How I tremble to touch you

Why? - ... sex. A big dose of UST set to music with a pretty good beat. This song always makes me think of two people sizing each other up before a really good shag. I suppose that explains why I included it *g*

11. Is Jesus your pal? – GusGus |DOWNLOAD|

Do you need someone too?
Just like those people who
Find peace in someone’s promises
You sure don’t need my promises
So come and sit on my box
Enjoy the view of this water
Where my lifeboat is sinking

Why? - I think it was clear to Rose from the very beginning the huge amount of pain and guilt and baggage her Doctor carries around. I can imagine how it hurt her, watching his suffering, but not having any ability to ease it.

12. Re:Re: - Asian Kung-Fu Generation |DOWNLOAD|

There were times when we connected
Brought together emotions that wouldn’t untangle
it meant everything to me
And I lost it all, just now

Learnt my lesson that things change shape with the passing of time
I’ve been tearing up inside, bitterly reproaching this suffocating day

Wanted to tell you to hold on to
Times spent under the overpass, passing days
That I have such regrets - words I couldn’t voice that day
Full English Lyrics

Why? - One of the two songs in this list sung in Japanese. Added partly because I wanted to add another upbeat song to this angstfest. But I really thought the lyrics, as translated above, were very appropriate. Although the tempo is upbeat, the lyrics are still depressing. More lost love, missed opportunity and angst. *sigh*

13. Nakushita Kotoba (Lost Words) - No Regret Life |DOWNLOAD|

The meaning your words release
An unquestionable love, a feeling that has no answers
If only we could convey all that just by looking at each other
I'm holding drops of time in my hands
I quietly grip the forgotten memories, the lost words
I'll keep this love in my heart
I've lost you...
Full English Lyrics

Why? - Time, love, loss, missed opportunity. Although I should probably be shot for having a Naruto theme song on this list.

14. Your Rain – Yamaoka Akira |DOWNLOAD|

Dancing alone again, again
The rain falling
Only the scent of you remains to dance with me
Nobody showed me how to return the love you give to me
Mom never hugged me
Dad loves a stranger more than me

I never wanted to ever bring you down
All that I need are some simple loving words

You touched my body once, it burns me still softly
Never forget never again we'll be. I cried

Why? - I heard this song and a picture of a Rose-less Doctor bumming around the Tardis immediately came to mind. She left him, and now he's alone again.

15. Call Me Call Me - Steve Conte |DOWNLOAD|

I close my eyes and I keep seeing things
Rainbow waterfalls
Sunny liquid dreams
Confusion creeps inside me raining doubt
Gotta get to you
But I don't know how

Call me call me
Let me know it's alright
Call me call me
Don't you think it's 'bout time
Please won't you call and
Ease my mind
Reasons for me to find you
Peace of mind
What can I do
To get me to you

Why? - Reminds me of The Doctor worrying about Rose. Or perhaps at the very end of season one, when Rose is worried about him.

16. You’re Not Here – Yamaoka Akira |DOWNLOAD|

Blue sky to forever,
The green grass blows in the wind, dancing
It would be much better a sight with you, with me,
If you hadn't met me, I'd be fine on my own, baby,
I never felt so lonely, then you came along,

So now what should I do, I'm strung out, addicted to you,
My body it aches, now that you're gone,
My supply fell through,

You gladly gave me everything you had and more,
You craved my happiness,
When you made me feel joy it made you smile,
But now I feel your stress,
Love was never meant to be such a crazy affair, no
And who has time for tears,
Never thought I'd sit around and cry for your love,
'till now.

Why? - I had no idea music from Silent Hill would be so applicable to a Doctor Who OTP, but I stand corrected. Again, makes me think of the Doctor flying solo through the universe after Rose has left him, and realizing it's not the same.

17. Gotta Knock a little Harder - Kanno Yoko |DOWNLOAD|

Happiness is just a word to me
And it might have meant a thing or two
If I'd known the difference

Emptiness, a lonely parody
And my life, another smokin' gun
A sign of my indifference

Always keepin' safe inside
Where no one ever had a chance
To penetrate a break in

Let me tell you some have tried
But I would slam the door so tight
That they could never get in

Why? - A Ninth Doctor theme. Pain and guilt and bottled up feelings.

18. I Know – Fiona Apple |DOWNLOAD|

And when the crowd becomes your burden
And you've early closed your curtains,
I'll wait by the backstage door
While you try to find the lines to speak your mind
And pry it open, hoping for an encore
And if it gets too late, for me to wait
For you to find you love me, and tell me so
It's ok, don’t need to say it

Why? - More one sided love from Rose's corner. This song reminds me that, even if she never gets what she really wants from the Doctor, I don't think she could ever bring herself to leave him because of it.

19. Bittersweet – Miz |DOWNLOAD|

All this time I've been beside you
Oh, all this time I've been around

I'm cryin', I'm dyin' for you
It's violent yet tasteful
So hard but it's true
Over and over is the promise we make
My bittersweet mistake

Why? - A good Rose song, I thought. It makes me think of unrequited love, or perhaps requited love that ends badly.

20. You Held the World in Your Arms – Idlewild |DOWNLOAD|

Every face
Even the one you saw yesterday
It looks different today
Cos everything's changed since yesterday
In every possible way
Things seem different today
Not like yesterday
Is consideration
More like an exception - of consideration?

Cos you have the world in your arms tonight
And what if you held the world in your arms?

Why - I have a hard time identifying why I put this in here, but it really did strike me as good 9Rose song. Perhaps it's just the feeling I get when I listen to it. I'm curious to see if anyone else agrees.

Decision made ... again

2007-10-11T16:52:27Z

I know money isn't everything in a job, but get this: $27 per hour on weekdays and $30.50 on weekends. I have now officially surpassed any of the salaries I made when I worked in television, and that's a good feeling. It's sort of a vindication for the career change I made 4 years ago.

I'm gonna go celebrate.

Another kick in the proverbial nuts

2007-10-09T22:28:50Z

And now the Rival Employer has just upped their offer. Holy shit. I'll be making almost 30 bucks an hour on the weekends. And 3 bucks more per hour base rate.
I told myself I wasn't going to bail out on the job I already accepted. It's a wonderful job at a wonderful facility, just not a wonderful paycheck. But I don't know if I can justify going with a job that is not only not on the shift I want, but offering way less money. All because I was too hasty and accepted the first offer that met my minimum requirement.
And in burning them, I'm going to feel like the world's biggest asshole.